Whatever It Takes
I was willing to do whatever it takes. All that was in my head was for my son’s treatments, nothing else mattered. I am one of the blessed women who got to wed the love of my life and create a wonderful family that I deeply love. I met my husband when we were in college at the University of Cebu, we were college sweethearts then. He was my young love I have the wonderful chance to grow old with. Just a few years after graduation, we both decided to finally get settled and start a family of our own since both of us were already employed, and we already had our family’s blessings. There were no second thoughts or detours. We were ready to start a life together, and we did. A year passed after our wedding but I did not get pregnant. Another year came, still, my womb was empty. I was worried but hopeful. Our third anniversary arrived and I was still childless. Apprehensions started to bother me. My husband and I prayed harder in the months that followed. We dropped coins in wishing wells and prayed to our patron saints. We even went to the Birhen Sa Simala Statue in Sibonga, Cebu and prayed that I’d be granted a child to cherish in this lifetime. Not long after, our prayers were answered. I finally saw two red lines in my pregnancy test. I couldn’t explain the joy brought by those tiny lines. My heart’s desire to become a mother was finally happening. I gave birth to a handsome little boy, Lev. He brought us so much joy because he finally completed our tiny family. We enjoy every moment we spend with him. We made sure that we were both beside him in all his milestones— his first smile, first steps, and first words. Years passed unnoticed, our little boy already turned five, and I gave birth to two beautiful girls in between those years. I enrolled Lev in a private pre-school near our place, it marked the start of his school journey. He was excited and was over the clouds. Our boy is a happy and adventurous kid and loves to be around people. He was very active in class and would simply participate in all activities. But one day his teacher noticed the changes in his behavior. He became unusually quiet and aloof. He was not the active happy boy in class anymore. His teacher suggested that we’d observe him even closer. Maybe he had discomforts or pain that he was just keeping to himself. It would be best if we would see the doctor. We went to the doctor and had his full medical work up. We had the labs and other recommended tests but when all the tests were done, we were told of the saddest news that trembled us. My son, my Lev, has leukemia. No words could equate the pain and frustration I felt after I heard the doctor’s diagnosis. I soaked in tears and had sleepless nights clueless how to get through each day knowing that my innocent son was in agony. Each waking day, I saw my son bravely fighting for his life, I knew I must fight harder. When Lev was diagnosed with leukemia in the early months of 2020, my father-in-law was also admitted in the hospital for a critical illness. My husband being the only child had to take care of his father while I took care of Lev. My father-in-law died weeks later while we were at the middle of fighting for Lev’s survival. As the days passed, things got harder for us. Though both my husband and I had means but our finances were already depleted. We had to submit to Lev’s biweekly and triweekly chemotherapy as part of his intensive treatment for nine months. Each session would cost us 8,000-15,000 Php, excluding his other medications. My husband and I squeezed all our resources to sustain his medications and treatments, but they were not enough. We even had to pullout Lev from the private school and transferred him in the public system because we could not afford the tuition fees anymore. On top of that, the pandemic was at its peak and my husband lost his job. Another challenge that burdened us was the travelling with heightened restrictions. It made our weekly commute for medications even harder and more expensive, but we endured. We tried all means possible just to get by with our daily needs and to pay for Lev’s treatments. I sold things, started a fundraising, and asked friends and family for support. I was willing to do whatever it takes. All that was in my head was for my son’s treatments, nothing else mattered. As a parent, I would do anything and everything for my children. Difficult days began to unload as I started to look at his daily progress. My prayers started to unfold, and help from places I never expected came in. I was introduced to Khythe and other organizations. I was later introduced to Virtualahan and was blessed that Lev was drafted to be one of the scholars of their SPED@Home program. It was an unexpected blessing because I have always wanted Lev to be in a private school, and now he’s finally back in the private system because of the Virtualahan program. My son just turned eight this year. He’s still on medication and is continuously fighting. Our journey is never easy, any parent who is in my shoes would know the gravity of our daily struggles. But even so, the Lord is good because Lev’s daily life is a reminder of God’s daily miracles unfolding in our very eyes. Merian FajardoLev’s Mom
For Better Or For Worse…In Sickness And In Health Part 2
Not long after I finished my college degree, I met my loving husband and started my promising career. Everything was going well. In fact, I had an opportunity to work in different industries for over 15 years. I enjoyed my work but the situation became inconvenient at my end as time passed. Travelling from home to work became a challenge for me especially that I am a commuter in a traffic-jammed location. It would take up 2 hours to reach my workplace in the morning and another 2 hours to travel home. I am always dead tired when I’d reach home. With much courage, I decided to resign last February 2020 but of course with the certainty that I would find another work opportunity because of my experience. Then, the pandemic came into the picture. The crucial lockdowns took place and I couldn’t go to companies to apply. I was stuck at home. With the unexpected situation, I decided to work through an online platform but with limited to no experience, I went through a difficult time. My income was unstable. As the bread-winner in the family, I had to find ways because I had to take care of my senior citizen father who is a tricycle driver, my brother who’s a construction worker and my 16-year-old nephew who is living with us. Both my father and brother could not work because of the restrictions brought by the pandemic. I’ve encountered countless rejections during my pursuit of having a stable online job. There were days that I needed to send resumes to 20-30 different employers, clients, and companies online hoping that I would get a call for an interview. I took my time to learn different platforms and attended free webinars as the lockdowns were implemented. I was tired and sad but not hopeless. I placed my faith in God. I know He delivers! In the middle of all the chaos, I chose not to give up because I know that the One up there is still sovereign; He is still in control. He was there when we were at our worst— when my mother died. I know He would get us through the worst situations. All I had to do is trust Him even more. I have plans for myself but He has greater plans for me and my family. Proverbs 19:21 says, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Everyday, I would make sure that I start my mornings talking to Him. I would ask for His guidance that I take the right directions for my career along with my passion. It came from an inner desire and longing to follow Him and serve His purpose in my life. I never thought that following His direction would lead me to this wonderful community in Virtualahan. My journey with them was both challenging yet fulfilling. I’ve encountered rejections after rejections before I got to meet this superb family. All the rejections I experienced were worth it when I found them. “You would never grasp the value of all those declines until you find ‘that’ something greater the Lord has in store for you.” Virtualahan allowed me to see and recognize that there’s more to life than just making a living. It is important to help someone live, too. The spirit of compassion, sympathy, and goodwill is very evident from the founders down to the coaches, tech team, training team, and among the trainees. In Virtualahan, we are not just building a career but relationship, trust and care. I never felt the spirit of competition among individuals because support plays an important role in the community and among the team admitting that “we can’t do it alone and will never achieve anything on our own”. We need God and each other to grow together! ABEGAIL DINOYBatch 38
For Better Or For Worse…In Sickness And In Health
“You don’t understand now what I am doing, but someday you will.” John 13:7 It was in 1999 when my mother was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS)— a potentially disabling disease of the brain and spinal cord. In MS, the immune system attacks the protective sheath (myelin) that covers nerve fibers and causes communication problems between the brain and the rest of the body. As a Christian family, life was just so full of love and faith, but one day our trust and hope in God was tested in a way we couldn’t imagine bearable. We were living a simple life in Bataan when my mom collapsed. She experienced muscle numbness but clueless with what exactly was going on. Little did we know that it was already the start of the full manifestation of her illness. I was only 15 then. My youngest sister was eight and our eldest was 16. Before my mom got her disease, she was the most hard-working of all. She would do every sort of job just to provide for the family and help my father support us financially. My father is a tricycle driver and a great provider even with the little he got from his simple job. My mom would clean houses, wash and iron clothes, sell food and goodies, and just anything she could find to sell. She would do anything you can think of a mother would do just to earn a living. But all of a sudden, her disease made her stop. In a blink of an eye, her whole body was paralyzed. With the little that we had, we went to a neurologist to figure out what caused her sudden paralysis. She was given all the medications she needed, but the doctor told us that there was no cure for multiple sclerosis. The only thing that was possible to do was to treat the symptoms with medicines and other treatments, and we did what was asked. We availed the medicines and treatments. It wasn’t easy because we never had much. We were challenged not just with my mom’s physical illness, but also on how we could sustain her with all the medicines prescribed for her to survive. We were troubled for a while but eventually became at peace because we had witnessed how the Lord had provided for every single medicine and treatment she took. The Lord used our relatives, friends and churchmates who sent financial, emotional and spiritual support. In the darkest moment of our lives, we saw His bright light. His wings of hope hovered and covered us from the pain, doubts and fears that followed. Our lives were never the same again. My mom was not getting better. My dad took good care of her while we were at school. And in days when my dad had to drive the tricycle and earn a living, he would request a relative or a friend to care for mom so he could put food on the table. My dad was the strongest person I know. He was there for my mom and for us. Seeing my parents through that hardship made me witness the reality of their wedding vow, “For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health”. The situation was sad but seeing them keep their promises made everything beautiful. The hospital bed became my mom’s second home. She frequently felt the symptoms; she experienced shortness of breath and severe pain all over her body. This went on for over a year until her last confinement before she dozed off in coma. My father never left her side, he was with her. He stood all roles— companion, caregiver, and support. On the fourth day of her coma stage, I could vividly remember the events that transpired. It was in the morning of November 21, 2000. I took the shift in taking care of my mom so my dad could at least rest and have a good sleep. I talked to her while my dad was prepping up to leave. Then I read her bible verses. Her eyes were closed but I knew she could her me. But, suddenly…. she was having shortness of breath. I rushed to the nurses’ station then ran to my father who was just about to leave the hospital building. My father didn’t even have the chance to go home that morning. My mom breathed her last. Life was never the same again without her. All sorts of struggles happened after mom left us to be with the Lord. But God sustains us. Through God’s provisions and my father’s perseverance, a beautiful chapter unfolded as the bitter one closed—I received my college diploma in 2005. Losing my mom was never easy, but God has been very true to his promise in Zechariah 9:12 “Return to your stronghold, O prisoners of hope; today I declare that I will restore to you double.” ABEGAIL DINOYTeam 38
The Strand Of Hope
People got scared of them even their own family members because there were not enough scientific and medical explanations about the condition yet. I am one of the blessed women who got to wed the love of my life and create a wonderful family that I deeply love. I am a father, and an ordinary man. I am a good provider, patriarch of our family, husband to a beautiful and loving wife, and father to two amazing daughters: Nasha (13 years old) and Chaste (9 years old). We had a simple life, yet happy and content. Though life was simple, it seemed like I had everything, and there was nothing more I could’ve asked for. But something changed it. I was struck with a rare neurodegenerative disorder. It is a recessive movement disorder occurring to mostly adult males whose roots can be traced in Panay Islands in the Philippines. It manifests either or both dystonic (involuntary muscle movement and abnormal posture) and parkinsonian (slow movement, tremors) traits. Prior to the diagnosis of my illness, I have already learned about my family’s history with it. Since then, I was on lookout for the symptoms which I might manifest. It was frightening knowing that there was a great possibility that I, too, would have it. I had to prepare myself to the realities that might take place. All the thoughts of its possibilities unfolded about 10 years ago. I noticed myself showing symptoms. It started with hand tremors and stiff neck pains; stuttering; difficulty in breathing and speaking due to spasm in my stomach, and numbing shoulder pain that radiates in my back and neck. Everything worsened as the symptoms progressed. This disorder is an incurable disease but there’s a procedure that can be done to manage its symptoms. It is called Deep Brain Stimulation (DBS). According to studies, patients who were given DBS procedures have improved significantly over time without adverse side effect. Some were even able to work again, though the disease was not fully eliminated. But still, it was the closest and the best medication I could have to bring back my normal life. It was a glimmer of light. I held on to this strand of hope to finally alleviate the daily excruciating pain. But hope was all I had because we didn’t have the money to pay for the procedure. We needed at least a million pesos to get it started but the money we needed was way more than what we could raise. Even then, hope, accompanied with fervent prayer, was enough because we were able to raise the money thanks to the love and financial support of my family, relatives and friends. I underwent my DBS operation in February 2019. And after almost a year, my excruciating pain was partially gone. I was blessed that I was operated and given a second life to be with my family. Since I wanted to be productive again and be able to provide for my family, my wife referred me to apply for a scholarship and be part of a great community that understands me. She introduced me to Virtualahan. “Learning is fun” at Virtualahan. They really take good care of PWDs. They understand our learning struggles and circumstances because we have coaches who have disabilities too but were able to get past their disabilities and became great potentials. Seeing them gave me so much hope. Though right now I still have my illness and could still feel pain every now and then, I still feel blessed because I feel the love of the Lord for me and my family in these trying times. I am also thankful that this situation happened to me at a time when my condition has been discovered and well-researched. I’m sure it was way harder for those who were sick years ago because they were labeled as “aswang” or “cursed”. People got scared of them even their own family members because there were not enough scientific and medical explanations about the condition yet. That being said, I want to take this opportunity to raise awareness about neurodegenerative conditions. If you know that your family has a history, regardless the symptoms, regardless the gender, you should start discussing it with your family and start doing research about it. It is much better to be informed and face the problem rather than box yourself, keep silent about it and not understand it. It also important to know that this is not a virus, people don’t get the disorder by just merely being near the patient. And those who are in the same situation, it’s not their fault that they are trapped in this dilemma. They are humans too; they have imperfections just like everyone else. They need love and care more than ever and not our prejudice. The disorder only affects the muscles and muscle movement not their mental and emotional ability. So even if they couldn’t talk anymore, they can understand very well. They get hurt with hurtful words. They still worry about their family. And inasmuch as they don’t want to be a burden to others, they still feel helpless. This is why in a lot of cases their worries add up to the physical and emotional sufferings they already feel. If we really love and care for them, why not give unconditional love and care. Show that they are not alone and that they need not to worry about the situation. That’s the best that we can do for them. That’s the best thing you can do for us. PETER JOHN DELA CRUZBatch 31
A Beautiful Disaster (Part 2)
In all my personal disasters they were there.They never abandoned me, they are my heroes. The familial disaster I shared in the first part of my story was just one of many others. They say, “disasters happen for a reason” regardless the reason, good or bad, disasters create heroes and opportunities that could only be later discerned. Dark Clouds Hovered In 1991, a very famous tragedy focused the attention of the world to the Philippines. Mt. Pinatubo erupted leaving hundreds of thousands of people homeless and hundreds dead. It was a massive explosion resulting to colossal damages. I was six (6) years old then. It’s undeniable that I had gone through simultaneous disasters at a young age. I vividly remember that horrific day. It was a regular day. I was out playing with friends. My dad was not with us because he was at work and my mom went home in Cebu for a short vacation. At first, the skies looked like it was filled with an awestriking cumulonimbus clouds. There was nothing like it that I had ever seen. We looked at it marveled with what the sky was about to unfold, but we didn’t take it seriously since we never thought of it as something disastrous. The only thing that felt odd was the unusual darkness emanated by the skies. It was only 8:00 in the morning and yet, we were already hovered by the darkness of the night, like it was already 10 PM. There was a little chaos but not enough to shake us or let my family decide to evacuate. Later that day, heavy rains began to pour. The news was all over the television and radio, a typhoon was about to complicate things. The heavens cried heavy pours with a lethal mix of ashes, stones and rain. Then there were sulfuric acid fumes we could smell everywhere. The situation became difficult for us and for everyone affected by the explosion and sudden heavy downpour. It rained for the next 24 hours and the anticipated chaos became worse! When we woke up the following morning, our house and our neighbors’ houses were half-buried. Shocked, we didn’t know what to do. It was never easy to leave the place you call home. My mother called from Cebu and convinced my father to evacuate. We sought help. Luckily, my father had ties with the local government since he used to work there. We were immediately rescued and had swift access to the emergency evacuation of the city government. From there, we chose to move forward. Numbed Future Then came my teenage years. By this time, my family has already lived in Cebu for over a decade since the Mt. Pinatubo explosion. We have adjusted to the life in this part of the country. The changes and transitions were easier for me than the rest of the household because I was the youngest when we transferred. It only felt like a new adventure when we moved in. When I reached high school, I made sure that I would have fun and experience the happiness I was deprived of at home. If there were constant struggles at home, going to school was my escape which was why I was adventurous, always bewildered and willing to take risks. I would run in games, walk fast with friends, climb trees and mountains, march here and there, and do whatever I find interesting to do, wherever my feet lead me to. But of course, I did not open much about my activities especially to my dad. He was obviously the villain to my happy life then. I unexpectedly met an accident that cause the numbness of my feet. It was not serious at first. It was just a discomfort that I tried to endure because I have always wanted to finish my degree, and nothing should come in my way. I finished Associate in Airline Operation. I applied for jobs here and there but to no avail. The numbness on my feet turned into unbearable pain. It was only then that I decided to have an MRI in 2008. Through the procedure, it was discovered that I have a congenital Gibbus Deformity and T4 Compression with syringomyelia cavitation. This broke my heart. I have endured decades of abuses from my father and the worst volcanic eruption the country has ever had, yet all these are incomparable to the pain of knowing that I could not walk normally again. I felt devastated and depressed (for 10 years) that I almost lost my sanity. For a time, all I could see was darkness and hopelessness. It felt like there was no end to what I was going through. I pitied myself more than ever. I cried out loud, sometimes, I’d cry in my thoughts. “What could become of me?” “What would I do?” “Where would I go?” Uncertainties scared me really well. But I looked at my mom and my family and saw their love, care and support not just at that moment of my helplessness, but in those years of suffering from the abuses and life transitions after the volcanic eruption. In all my personal disasters they were there. They never abandoned me, they are my heroes. Together, we have overcome disasters big or small. God sent my family to give me strength and endurance and to cling on more to life and to trust God. They are my inspiration, my constant hope that all will be better in time. Then one day, I met Virtualahan. Meeting them was unexpected, and I’d say providential. I knew I was guided to them because I have been praying for my life to change. I enrolled, and joined the training. It wasn’t easy. It took time for me to comply with my requirements. I worked harder and gave double effort. I even asked help from my niece to help me get through the training. And when I finally did, I was given the opportunity to
A Beautiful Disaster (Part 1)
If I would summarize my childhood in a word, I would say it was a “disaster”! I had seen so much pain and experienced too many tragedies before I became a teenager. Though there were bright days, but the dark ones outweigh them. My father was a chronic alcoholic and an abusive husband. Even before I was born, he already had these problems. My mom almost lost me during pregnancy because of his physical abuses. He would constantly hit her without second thoughts, even if she was pregnant. But hoping that in time, when he would have children, he would soon turn around and become a better person. But he didn’t. He got worse as the days passed. My early memories mostly revolve in the days when he would inflict physical and emotional pain to us. It was horrendous and to think I was really young when all these happened. I was only six years old when I witnessed my father’s abuses to my mom. When the clock strikes 6 o’clock in the evening, we would prepare ourselves for the chaos that would evidently happen. Our normal lives at daylight turns abnormal at nightfall. My father would come home drunk and out of control. And for no reason, he would lift his arms and hit my mom. He would push her to the corners of the house, slap her in the face or hit her with anything within his reach. There were so many instances that he almost killed my mom. I couldn’t even count the times with my hands. I remember one tragic memory when my mom misplaced something and my dad was furious; he grabbed her arm and dipped it in boiling oil. But it wasn’t enough for him, so he grabbed her hair and bumped her head on the wall. It was too traumatic. To avoid him, we would run away from home and sleep in the streets or in some dark alleys. Sometimes, we would spend our nights in small chapels or in places I didn’t even recognize just to get away from him at night and avoid his torments. We would run away at night, bring all our books to study, but come home in the morning when he is back to his senses and the influence of alcohol had waned away. As if nothing happened. This went on for years until I became a teenager. When the torments are too severe, he would be reported to the police by my mom or some concerned neighbours, but he gets out the following day. Eventually, my mom had learned to accept the situation because after all, she wanted to have a complete family even at her expense. You see, my father wasn’t always like that. He is a better man when he is sane; he provides, disciplines us, and shows support. It’s the alcohol that deranges him, but it’s something that he can’t live without. So, definitely, the physical and emotional abuses continued until we became immune to it. Seeing our mom with bruises and wounds became an everyday view. Though it was difficult to witness, we had to endure and pray that things would change. I prayed for the day that my father would get to his senses, stop his vices and be the father we wanted him to be. It was a far-fetched prayer and a far-away dream that we embraced to give us hope. So, we endured his tortures and became used to them, until one incident made him realize his mistakes. He forced me to drink alcohol with him. I was only 13 years old. I kept rejecting him because I was studying, but he kept insisting. My older brother saw what was going on and immediately defended me and hit him. It was the very first time that my brother was unable to control himself from retaliating after all the years of distress. Maybe he, too, have had enough of my father’s tortures and he needed to defend us. He couldn’t contain his rage that he hit my father in the face, then there was complete chaos. Since that day, my father slowly realized how brutal he had been to us. He changed gradually and the tortures were minimized. As the years passed, we got to understand him better as things get clearer. We somehow understood why my father developed his abusive and alcoholic tendencies. We got to know that he was physically abused by his older brother when he was really young and eventually carried the habit and his hatred even until he had us. In our maturity, we learned to let go and loosen the tight grip of resentment we formed against him. He, too, is a victim like us. My mother plays an important role in keeping us from forming hatred against him. She constantly reminds us to always see the beauty in the disasters we are in regardless of how awful they may seem at first because disasters are beautiful in their own way. MARIA ANGELA SABANALBatch 28
A Box Of Chocolates
Sometimes you’d get the sweetest piece or the bitterest of them all. You may never know what life has to offer. Some things happen as planned, in most cases, they come in surprises. Like getting a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get until you dive in and take that bite. Sometimes you’d get the sweetest piece or the bitterest of them all. Well, in the past few years, I have had the bitter ones. I was without a choice but to chew and taste them anyway. I’m Bhevs, short for Beverlyn. I was born in Caloocan but had been raised in different parts of Metro Manila. We are a family of six, and I am the eldest among four children. My siblings and I were raised by my mother who singlehandedly managed the four of us because my dad was an OFW. Though he was not physically with us, he still generously and consistently provided for the family. I had a regular childhood in the concrete jungles of Manila. We were raised in the best way they could and taught us to be independent and dependable, which eventually helped me mature emotionally and mentally at a young age. While I was in my freshman year in college, I met my husband, Lamberto, who posed to be Alen then when we first met. He was introduced by my college friend who technically gave my mobile number to him. We started as constant textmates then became friends. We communicated through texts until we finally decided to see each other personally. Our relationship blossomed and as fate would have it, we became sweethearts. My heart was full and I knew I had a much better reason to thrive and finish my studies. In 2008, my family struggled financially because my dad got sick. I had to temporarily stop schooling. We were in deep financial burden so I decided to stop and apply for a job that school year. I was immediately hired as a cashier at Toy Kingdom Megamall and worked there for five months. When my contract ended, I went back to school and finished my degree in Hotel and Restaurant Management. I was really glad because I have finally accomplished an important chapter of my life. I was ready to face the world. I had my diploma to arm me in getting my dream job. But as fate turned, I never got to do so. It was too difficult to get a job in 2009 due to unprecedented changes in the economy. I was already a college graduate but I was jobless (for a time). I did not sit and wait for the situation to improve, so I grabbed a work opportunity. Fortunately, I was hired as an admin staff at Robinsons Supermarket Ermita. Others thought that I was underemployed but I didn’t mind it at all because I was happy and content to have job that offered tenure. That time, I had everything that I wanted— a stable job, a loving family and a loyal boyfriend. Blessings rained down on me. They say, when it rains, it pours. In May 2012, I found out that I was pregnant. In August that same year, my boyfriend and I got married and sealed our relationship. Life was all too sweet. I was at the 6th month of my pregnancy and we were excited. But that month, I had dengue and my baby was at risk. I was rushed to the Chinese General Hospital (Charity Department) and had a premature delivery. It was a scary experience because I was too frightened of losing my little girl, but things worked out well for us. Our baby was safe and healthy. After giving birth, both of us realized how much we wanted to be hands-on in raising our kid. I resigned from my work at Robinsons, immediately after my maternity leave expired. We had a smooth-sailing life then on. But it wasn’t for long because my mother was diagnosed with stage 5 Chronic Kidney Disease (CKD). And as the eldest in the family, I had to step up and be in her care. I took care of my mom and assisted in her dialysis sessions while taking care of my toddler. It meant leaving my husband to his direct family. My husband understood and accepted our temporary set up but I didn’t know he was already ill then. In February 2015, while I was attending to my mother’s medication, I was told that my mother-in-law rushed my husband to the hospital because of an unmanageable fever, she suspected that he had dengue. When they reached the hospital, the doctors got frantic because my husband shouldn’t had been exposed at the hospital given his condition. Since he was young, he was already diagnosed with nephrotic syndrome and had to take maintenance medicine ever since. His immune system was already compromised because he had a pre-existing condition and being admitted to the hospital meant that he would be exposed to various diseases. And they were right because his health deteriorated as the days passed. What’s more heartbreaking was the fact that I was not with him the whole time because I was with my mother then. It felt like I neglected him, guilt consumed me for a long time. When I finally had the chance to see him, I never left his side. I showed him that I was right there with him through thick and thin. I needed to show him that I was strong and was willing to take whatever life gives no matter how bitter it may be. BEVERLYN ALANTEJOTeam 33
Memento Mori
What is your story?The one you never told to anyone before.The story of your laughs and miseries.The story of you holding on…To someoneOr somethingNot worthy of holding onto.The story of fear that you feared the most.The story of loathe you loved best.The story of you…Who you areAnd the hows and whys you became to be.The story you gripped rock solidWith feather cotton handsAs if as your whole life depended on it.The story that made you remember how to forget.The story forged with the pain of historyAnd fear of the future.What is it? People on this page would be reading to know my successes, the downfall that followed, and how I managed to get up with Virtualahan. But I am more than the degree of my accomplishments and the content of my portfolio. I am a person… and this is my story. Martyrs are made, not born. All martyrs were once victims. As I write this autobiography, I am taken back to the earliest days of my childhood– one of the darkest moments of my life. From such an unripe age, I had to learn the ins and outs of life while needing to form my own coping-out mechanism. For survival, I consciously built invisible and invincible walls. This way, I do not have to push people away, I just have to keep them at a safe distance. I figured that the way to beat the abuse system is simply by neglecting everything inside of you dictating that it hurts… until it no longer does. Cold-hearted and Heart of Stone: No Matter, it’s Beating. Family and friends, acquaintances and strangers. Different sets of people with the same mindset: I am either cold-hearted or possesses a heart of stone. I did not mind… for as long as it was beating, it’s functioning; and thus, existed. Society CAN dictate what is right but NEVER what is moral. Twice, I was given the chance to re-introduce myself – both I did so differently and twice, I left the biggest part of how I came to be so seemingly joyful and problem-free. Even with a façade, the fear of people knowing the past still lingered. That anxiety is what made it so difficult to belong in the society. My defiance to follow the norm did nothing to help. If I was given the chance to change anything, I would not. The lack of basis between right or wrong doesn’t mean there is no such thing. To this day, I hold onto it: right is being principled, ethical, and honorable. Anything in-between and/or contrary is wrong. It is this mindset that deserted me from the rest of the world. And I felt that separation. 2020: The year I almost broke. The year I saw myself whole. Fast forward to the present. The pandemic postponed the plans I had towards personal and career success. The only key I see to leave all the toxicity behind. As if as that wasn’t enough, it gave more reasons for depressive tendencies. Five months in to the year and I lost more people than the months I started losing them but it was also this year that I was given another path. Virtualahan and I: Our journey begins. If you have reached this far, I encourage you to go further. If you asked yourself:“Where is this going?”“What is he on to about?”Here it is. Virtualahan gave me a reset button. Here at Virtualahan, I was not judged – I was welcomed not despite of, but in spite of all the baggage I carry with me. They did not introduce me to a community, Virtualahan gave me a family. I am not happy I became a PWD at the peak of my life, but I am glad I came across an incorporation who not only aimed to advocate but did so successfully. I am Zeus Exequiel Seth Millora Oliveros. Alongside Virtualahan, I will continue to evolve, ro inspire, and to advocate. O.Z.E.S.M.Team 36
Embracing My New Normal
I was born at around 8 in the morning on the 30th of June, during the Year of the Tiger, 1986. I am the third out of the four children in the family. I have an older brother, an older sister, and a younger sister, which means I am blessed to have experienced certain roles in the family. I was an active kid growing up. I loved the outdoors. I loved playing all sorts of games on the streets or wherever I find a place to explore and conquer with my cousins and friends. I loved my adventures even if I would get scratches here and there. I guess it had served its purpose because it prepared me to real-life bruises in the decades that followed. Well, my adventures continued but this time they took place in the jungle of the corporate world. After finishing my degree in AB Humanities and Industrial Economics at the University of Asia & The Pacific, I landed a job as a Financial Advisor at a certain insurance company but it did not last long because after 10 months, I called it quits. I got bored with the monotony and got discouraged with the evasive promotion. Months later, I received an invitation for an interview in a real estate company in Quezon City. I was immediately accepted and started my training as a property consultant. I was doing well because I made my first sale after just a few months. I exerted effort in the weeks that followed and targeted at least 1 sale per week. Though it was tiring and challenging, but it was worth it because of the generous commissions that I receive after selling a unit. Because of my job exposure, my interaction skills improved. I learned how to talk and deal with different types of people in all walks of life. I stayed with the real estate consultancy job but eventually changed careers after 2 years. The work stress was unhealthy and it slowly consumed me. At that time, my clients continued to keep in touch with me. They asked for my help especially in referring them to good interior designers and contractors. I referred them to my younger sister, who is an Interior Design board topnotcher. I also connected my clients to quality contractors and one of my clients liked and was impressed with all my referrals. So unexpectedly, she designated me to be her authorized representative for the interior fitout of her other condominium units in BGC, Taguig. I took charge of the renovation from Day 1 and until it was finished. That experience became my lightbulb eureka moment because I was able to form the idea of finding construction workers and creating my own construction company, Sala Concepts Company. I onboarded my sister and asked her to be my part time consultant and co-managing partner. Our parents supported us and were willing enough to loan us some money to help start our own company. Eventually, it flourished and I was able to finance my unchanged, unhealthy lifestyle in the following years. I guess I enjoyed my singlehood too much that I went out a lot, met with different people from different places, attended parties here and there and consumed alcohol more frequent than usual. Little did I know that I have this congenital malformation called Horseshoe Kidney. It means that my kidneys are fused together and looks like a horseshoe. My drinking worsened my kidneys. I developed asthma-like symptoms and was prescribed by my pulmonologist to take Salbutamol puff to relieve my asthma, but again, it was not just asthma because it was already a symptom of an enlarged heart. I have developed Acute Cardiomegaly on the left ventricle of my heart. My lifestyle, combined with my congenital malformation resulted to this. After a month of using Salbutamol inhaler, I experienced difficulty of breathing because I did not follow the instruction that I should gargle right after using it. I was rushed to the Emergency Room of The Medical City where my vitals were checked. The resident doctor did not have any idea why my blood pressure was shooting up so I was recommended to be admitted for further testing to find out the cause of my high blood pressure. This was the only time when we discovered about my congenital malformation. Blood tests have shown poor and reduced kidney function so the doctors decided to do more scans to further see what’s going on in my body, specifically with my kidneys. I underwent Renal Scans for four times to validate the nephrologist’s findings about my kidneys and I was admitted in the hospital for two weeks. I was discharged after my blood pressure was stabilized and my condition got better. I went on with my normal life and continued with where I left off. Days, weeks, months and years have passed by and I was feeling okay. But in the fateful morning of July 26, 2017, my normal life didn’t seem normal. My sister noticed that I was drooling at the left side of my mouth involuntarily. A few moments later, my left limbs numbed and felt weak. I immediately stopped what I was doing and called my older sister who is a doctor. She looked at me in fear and worry and said, “UY stroke yan! Naiistroke ka na! Sumakay ka na sa kotse, bilis at pumunta na tayo ng TMC (The Medical City)!” She rushed me to the hospital but I already lost my consciousness when we arrived. Four people yanked me out of my sister’s car and immediately brought me to have MRI and CT scans. The Brain Attack Team of the hospital had to do an emergency brain surgery (a craniectomy) at the right side of my head to save my life. The surgery was successful but I had to stay in the hospital for almost a month to fully recover. I was not the only one hurt, our pockets did too
Too Fragile
Many PWDs, if not all, have been subjects of discrimination and pity. It’s not new if we get discriminated or pitied by people close to us and by those who barely even know us. But what they don’t know is the effect it gives us every time we hear, “baka hindi mo kaya”, “wag ka na lang mag-aral, sayang”, and “hindi ka naman matatanggap sa trabaho eh”. To tell you honestly, we have been psychologically tormented with every word. I’m Paula and I am a PWD from the Tuna Capital of the Philippines, General Santos City. I was born in a marriage that ended too soon so I lived with my grandparents and relatives in my mother’s side– a blessing that I would always be grateful for. My parents separated when I was only two years old because my father had drug issues which was only resolved on his deathbed. He was drowned with illegal drugs that was why my grandparents feared for our lives. If he did not die with his illness, he would have died with a gunshot because he was already included in the hitlist. Drugs definitely ruined his life. His decades of absence somehow did not bother me because his fatherly role was replaced by my loving grandfather, two uncles and my step dad. Yes, my mom remarried because she deserves to be happy and to find her second chance at love and I’m glad she did because she gave me another sister to love. When I was just a baby, my father brought me to the hospital because I got sick with pneumonia. The nurses had a hard time finding my nerves so they tested needles in different parts of my body just to find the vein that could be injected with the fluids. My dad allowed the nurses to do all the injecting and reinjecting of needles, he trusted the medical practitioners. I was healed from the pneumonia but the worst took place a year later. I was two years old when my uncles noticed that I wasn’t walking like the other toddlers. I looked like I was limping and they noticed that my right arm and feet were smaller than the left extremities. We were told that I had polio but nobody in the family had any idea how and where I got the sickness. My uncles brought me to therapy so I could walk and write using my left hand. Walking wasn’t easy for me because I had a hard time fitting in my shoes or sandals. It’s difficult for me to lock or secure my feet in my shoes (or the other way around). My physical feature was something I was not confident or proud of, I always get the “judging” or the “pity” looks of people whenever they see me. I’m just blessed that I don’t experience that at home because I am equally loved by my grandparents and uncles and they don’t treat me like I have any condition that was why I lived a normal life during my younger years. I had fun when we were kids. We lived comfortably because our convenience store family business was doing well. But when I was in second grade, our family experienced the worst financial crisis because our business suffered from bankruptcy. Our whole family had to sell our house and stay in a rental. My sisters and I transferred to the public school. But even though we suffered from the uncertainty of the economy, we remained intact and closer as a family. Our uncle helped us from the rubbles and kept our home afloat. He is a banker and he is the breadwinner in our family and continuously helps us even until now. If during my elementary days I didn’t have much challenges, high school and college were different. High school was the window to the reality of the world and college was the door that showed me what it is really like when you’re not in the comfort of the people you love. I was bullied, discriminated, and treated differently. The social standards of beauty and normalcy constantly reminded me of my oddness from the rest of my classmates and friends, and that I am different from all of them. Insecurities slowly piled up a brick after another. Unknowingly, the bricks of insecurities, caused by the people around me, pushed down my self-esteem and self-confidence. Even when I was in college and after I graduated from my college degree in Entrepreneurship, the treatment of people has weakened my spirit and diminished my aspirations. I would be constantly reminded that I am a PWD and that I can’t do what usual people do. I’m just too fragile or too weak and that I can’t give the output they need. Their words continually ring in my ears even until now. I lack the self-confidence of accomplishing things and reaching for my dreams. This is why I am still in the process of overcoming my fears and insecurities. I am not “too fragile” or “too weak” but for years I made them (the people) believe that I was. Day after day, I am trying to throw away the bricks of insecurities because I know better now. I am as able as everyone, even better. I shouldn’t have listened to all the discouragements and criticisms because I would have soared higher today. But it’s never too late for me to rethink and change my mindset. And I’m sure it’s the same with you. Yes, you who are reading this! We can always learn from the past but we must not be dragged by the failures of it, instead we must learn to move on and move forward, one step at a time. Paula de PedroTeam 28